thisNthat

I have this crazy obsession with the color black. My co-worker says it’s me becoming a New Yorker. I question that; I thought being in NY people have more flair, and are more apt to be creative–especially being in one of the fashion capitals.

I hate the fact that when I buy shoes, e.g. heels; one foot is smaller–particularly my left, and it ALWAYS slips off when Iwalk causing me to look like I don’t know how to walk in heels. [Which I do, very well in-fact] I know there are the insoles and slips and filler-inners for shoes, but come on–lame.

I do notice that recently, I have decreased my intake of good ol’ h2o. Not good. I seem to be more attracted to coffee/lattes, coke, tea, POM [Pomegranate Peach Passion White Tea to be exact] and smoothies. I used to drink liters of water at a time– I need to pick that habit up again.

It drives me crazy how lighting is so important in the bathroom when one is applying make-up. Certain softness, brightness, yellowness totally effect how one will perceive themselves in that room, but then look completely different in another light. I always end up putting on too much bronzer. ughh

I would like to know WHY did Lindsey Lohan get #1 spot on Maxim’s Top 100. Seriously–so she flashes her cooch around from time to time, but last I  heard it wasn’t the most attractive pose for her. Okay, I‘m not bashing, I guess I just considered other candidates to be more #1 ranking–but that’s just my opinion.

What about Britney? Does she really like how she looks? It’s as if she sits there and looks at her befores and currents and thinks “wow I looked gosh darn awful back then when I had a stylist” again, not bashing–just curious.

Okay, so I suppose this was more of a soft-core rant than a random/deep & meaningful post. Gotta mix it up, you know?

-r

onewayORroundtrip

 Long distance vs Love: How far can love really bring us?

How do you evaluate a long distant relationship based on a few weekends a month–if you even get that lucky. You guys talk everyday, and you have your occasional fight here and there. But how do you know you wouldn’t be miserable if you saw each other everyday?

There have been instances where two people meet 2 months before the other was about to move, and they didn’t plan to keep it going, but eventually it leads to I love you’s. Crazy. How do you love someone with a phone/text/email relationship? How valid are things? Are you wasting time when you could find someone in your neck of the woods?

You have to wonder, is it something you’re doing because you’re lonely and want the attention? Or should you just let it go because it probably won’t work out in the end? But if you both are making the effort traveling to see each other, then that’s just terrific. Question is, how long will you guys be able to handle that? When will it become a hassel or create immense frustration? Another thing to ponder is: when is it the best time to test long distance? At the beginning, or more towards the middle where you two have already established an understanding of each other and have built that trust.

The chances that you guys follow through is not that common. The temptations of seeing someone who is right there in front of you is going to be tough. So what do you do? Trust them right? [Hoping you don't have the-oh-so-popular trust/jealousy issues.] I say it will be a true test of how committed you two are. The next big test is if you guys will be able to handle each other everyday. Obviously, there is the chance you may not make it to that next step. Don’t worry, as long as you guys tried your best you can’t have any regrets.

Long distance is the hardest to handle/deal with; so to make it through that obstacle successfully– I say Bravo.

-r

5yearwarranty

They say that for celebrities, if their marriage can last 5 years then they’re solid. So with that fact, what about us who aren’t in the worldwide spotlight?

If in fact 5 years is the number to obtain, then do we need to exceed that number being our lives are more ‘normal’? Why is it that more than 50% of marriages are ending up in divorce? Can we blame the courtship process? How about communication abilities? Could we actually have too many ways to connect where it takes away from the real one and one originality. You can’t tell me that talking via on-line has the same effect as if on the phone let alone in person.

We all know the pick-up lines, tricks, body signals, horoscopes and movies that influence us. We all believe in taking the car out for a test drive. We drink alcohol as a way to not have the possibility of humiliating ourselves. Why are we so embarrassed of who we are? Why hide or act like someone else when all we want is to just be comfortable with that person. Why make someone fall in love with a person you’re not?

More and more engagements are blossoming after a year of dating. We all want to move in and fast forward the process of relationships. Why don’t we want to wait anymore? We are all scared that we might be wasting our time, so we at least make it worth our while; as if to say you got this far. As if you’re a loser if you take 2 years before you move in.. so what?

If this was meant to be, then waiting and time does not matter, because in the end it will just  f a l l   i n t o   p l a c e.

If one doesn’t move in or go that extra step the other wonders and eventually will believe that you don’t love them because of your hesitance. So you guys move in, things are great and work out. Okay fine, rare occasion. A lot of times you break up and then you have to live there with tension and move out and it becomes a financial issue and etc etc etc. Or you end up getting married and then you guys fight about money, or one person’s jealousy finally comes out, or you guys just don’t have much in common because you never took the time to find out.

So a long story short: we all rush to the finish line which may lead to the I do’s and kersplat! You divorce with or without kids, with or without a pre-nup, and you have to start all over again. But question is, will you go at the same pace like before, slower because you learned, or faster because now you really don’t have time?

Ending on this note/fact: 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce these days.

Do you want to be part of a statistic? 

 -r

youVSyourownmind

How do you know when you’re in love when you have a tendency to fool yourself?

You’ve always lived a life of leading people on and taking up with anyone who falls for you. That security, the kind you can control– or so you think. You know they are absolutly in love with you, and you secretly could care less. Knowing you can pull the plug at anytime, and not be hurt because you haven’t invested any of your feelings. It doesn’t even bother you that you are destroying them emotionally and wasting their time. You use them to fill that void. For company. For attention.

So how do you know you’re in love if you’ve always faked it before? So many of us tend to lead this trend, but why? A majority of the time it’s because we don’t know what we want. So then why not chill out and take some time to find out what you want? Well that’s because we are all too scared that we will never find what we want and end up lonely. We see and envy all of those other sincere relationships that we want to look and feel like. We all want to have what the Jones’s have and more.

So, how do you Just Know?

-r

itsaboutourb’sandf’s

Best friends.

What really defines a best friend? I suppose it would be someone who you can count on, be yourself with and you understand each other– you guys just click.

You can call that person up anytime of day for anything. You can not talk to them for a period of time, but when you do it’s like it was just yesterday. They have that shoulder for you to cry on even over the littlest thing. You guys usually go way back. Maybe you guys never liked each other before, but then you realized you have something in common. You two are honest with each other and only mean well and want the best for one another.

I feel best friends are the most forgivable [besides family]. If not them– then who? Unless they are out to get you, lie continuously, sleep with your boyfriend, back-stab you or are just a bitch to you when you don’t deserve it, then they’ve become an ex-friend. Or maybe they just decreased you to just a friend, because they say they still want you in their life—but you can’t amount to Best anymore. Or maybe they say they just can’t end things between you because of all the years, emotions and yadda yadda yadda. Well, stop them and say, is it that you Can’t cut me out of your life, or is it that you don’t Want to cut me out of your life. There is a huge difference. 

Sometimes I wonder, are there rules to being a best friend? I guess it would all depend on the flexibility and personality of the two of them. Are they best friends because it just works out, or are they best friends because they need each other. Or are you best friends because you’ve been through so much together, it would only make sense to stay that way. What happens when one is more dependent on the other, this can lead to tension and possible resentment. Do you have to see each other x amount of times during a month? Do you always take their side even if they’re wrong?

What about honesty. How honest can you be to your best friend? I would assume that with this person they will accept anything from you because you have built this trust and understanding. But what if the honesty is towards them, and it’s harsh honesty. We’re not talking about how that dress makes them look fat; whatever the case may be, guy or girl. We are talking about brutal honesty. Telling them just how you feel and how you see it [without yelling of course]. And you tell them knowing it could make them cry and maybe hate you forever. But should they hate you forever? You would think that, yes this sucks and it hurts, but wouldn’t you want them to tell you the truth? The old saying, ‘Do as you would want done to you’.

So the question is: knowing that this may possibly end a relationship, you risk everything for how you are feeling, misinterpreted or not. It takes guts and integrity to say those hard words, to take all you’ve got to hope it makes things right through honesty. Because you’d think that they would eventually forgive you–because that’s what best friends do. They don’t just throw the best friend title out the window. I mean if that’s how they feel, then what can you do? You can’t take back what you said. You only had hope that they would accept you for what you have always been and what you are now. 

A lot of times people make mistakes. If it’s something that seems to occur all the time, then okay, re-evaluate the relationship. But come on, you don’t throw out 5 years of what you thought was a friendship that was solid, through thick and thin; because every now and then, we all need to be reminded of who’s there for us. You tell the person, they wake up, next week you two are getting coffee together. Or maybe they just don’t care anymore. You can’t do anything more than let it go and move on. If they can’t live what you have done/said, then they can’t live with what you have done/said. Period. Trying to convince them otherwise will prove unsuccessful. At least you know you were sincere and you can’t have any regrets about that.

I suppose in the end if they were really your best friend, you guys would find a way to work it out. <3

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you today just the way you are.” –Unknown

-r

linesboundarieslimits

When to draw the line.

In life we are always drawing lines. Whether it is mentally, physically or architecturally, we set boundaries. Who and what are we allowing and keeping out. I think there are a lot of lines missing in a lot of people’s lives, and some just have too many.

In countless relationships people will meet, exchange names and numbers, which will lead to exchanging experiences, likes, dislikes, and if all goes well–eventually fluids. We try to get it all out in the open towards the beginning to let this person sum us up in order to make the next move. If you say something that they don’t appreciate, poof–and just like that they pull the ‘I’ll call you’ line and disappear.

Then there are some people who don’t get into the nitty gritty and just go with the flow. You could be with someone for 5 months, and out of nowhere they happen to hate holidays. Okay now what, because you obviously love and celebrate holidays– in fact, you do the whole 9 yards.

Now you have to consider some things. How do we work this out, Can we work this out, is this person worth it? OK yes, you’ve been dating for only 5 months, but  unless you’re in this relationship for experimentation/just for fun/season fling– then you need to think long term. Most people get into relationships in hopes that they have found The One, and it will lead to the happily ever after segment. [I sure hope you know if this person shares the same goals as you, if not... t-a-l-k!]

See if they mind you doing what you gotta do when the holidays creep up. [Note: you may substitute holidays for more common issues, e.g. hanging out with other guys/girls, drinking, etc.] Are they going to get jealous, left out and/or upset? If they are anything but supportive, then this is going nowhere but downhill. You may have the best relationship, but you need to share the same interests, especially main/yearly ones. If you can’t come to an agreement or create a plan, baby it is time to move and draw that line.

There are just some things you can’t let go. If you need your holidays, you need your holidays. Period. You want to have someone who is going to share the same passion. Why waste your time on someone who isn’t going to be happy, supportive, and/or participate? This is all about dating and trying to figure out what you want and need other than brains, humor and the looks. You move on even though is hurts and you start fresh. You grab your friends [assuming you have a handful] and you guys hang out and be on the positive.

Sometimes it’s not so easy letting go of someone because of that one thing that you couldn’t agree on. But why not have your 2-day sob fest rather than a longer-than-it-should-be-you’re-crying-all-the-time-relationship that isn’t steady, because you are either fighting about that thing, there is tension about that thing and/or denial about that thing. If you have always wanted to paint, learn guitar or take up biking– now would be a great time to help you take your mind off it.

Then there are people who let things go again and again and again. for a popular instance; verbal abuse. Person A calls person B a huge bitch. Person B lets it go because it was the first time. Person A calls person B a huge bitch again! Person B lets it go because person A was drunk this time. This can go on and on, because person B wants to change person A. They think they are the answer; they can tell them what they are doing wrong, be the therapist, try and dig deep. It won’t work.

Person B will usually tell their friends that they are doing person A a favor by sticking by them. They think person A is so lucky to have them. Actually person B– you’re just keeping yourself miserable and keeping person A away from someone who would really appreciate the name calling. [Not sure who that would be!]

So enough of the A’s and B’s. An interesting find to leave off with: Studies show that the average person usually needs to date minimum 20 people in order to find out who/what they want/The One.

Hmm, 6 down– 14 to go.

-r

theLword//itsintroductiontomyblog

Lets talk a little about l-o-v-e.

Love is a crazy thing. I think it is the most interesting process and experience one can have. I believe it is everyone’s goal in life to find that somebody to share a future together. You can go on about your business and hope someone sees you, you see them and bam. Connect. Some throw themselves out there and some just fall right into your lap. The bonus would be that you two understand each other and communication, honesty and attraction are present.

It’s just a ongoing project; who makes me happy, what is my type, poor/rich, do they like the movies, art, dogs, blonde/brunette or do they smoke cigarettes. We are constantly re-editing our list of what we want and what we want to avoid. A lot of the times people don’t even know what they want. They tend to mislead themselves which causes others to be misledd by them. It’s a very unfortunate yet common issue. And then there are those who believe in forgive and forget [majority of these people usually forgive when forgiveness should not be granted] and then there are those who drop you like a ten-pound bag of potatoes never giving you the free pass of second chances [depending on the level of awfulness].

I feel bad for those who try to change others when 98% time it won’t work, so they end up becoming miserable thinking it’s them. There are those types of people who will change themselves to make someone happy. Seriously, if they are demanding you change this and that; well, that’s bullshit. You need someone who likes You for You. In the end–those who are asking you to change won’t be happy anyway. Just accept the fact you two do not mesh. Anyway more on that subject at a later time. People let people get away with so much too, and it only hurts them in the long run. It’s basically like life’s test: who will make it, who will find love, who will figure out what’s right for them and will they find that person who has also figured it out. [Timing*]

There are so many factors to consider as well; religion, politics, food, hobbies, allergies, addictions, goals and that’s just the tip of the iceberg–we haven’t even included physical features. How high are your standards? Do you overlook a small pet peeve to make something work? Then there’s the crazy girls, the possessive guys, “how could you lie to me”, “you slept with my brother?”, “do you even love me?”, “why don’t you trust me?”.. it goes on and on.

These will be subjects to follow. Stayed tuned.

 -r

afewsubjects

So, instead of following the trend of Myspace and Facebook–I have picked up blogging. I am starting this because I want to share my thoughts and opinions on life, things we deal with everyday. I want to shed light on common troubles, and to just organize my thoughts. And so, it begins..

Life. It can be so hard these days. There is so much that keeps us worried, and so much we have to figure out; who you are as a person, what style will you reflect, what things interest you and the hardest one of them all– will you find that someone you’re compatible with and then [fingers crossed] fall in love. It’s this huge journey that is constantly showing the world who we are and what we have accomplished, whether it bad or good. And we’re all trying to a prove a point to everyone. Getting our dream job, dream car, how many friends do we have, how much money do we make, or just trying to get into a meaningful relationship hoping it will lead to marriage. The many pressures of life.

Sometimes I find myself sitting on the train stressing out about where is this going, where will I be in the next few months or what is the purpose of some things. It’s a never-ending guessing game, whether you like it or not. Always making choices by involving emotions, beliefs and/or politics.

Love is, I think the hardest thing to find or waiting for it to find you. It’s that rare gem we go searching for. I think of dating like the dressing room, Finding your type, does it fit, how much is it? It’s the classic trial and error. Some hit the jackpot early in life, and some won’t find their true love for years and years– and that can be frustrating. You start to ask yourself.. what’s wrong with me?

Time. It’s never on our side. I think it’s the cause of many people’s bitterness. Timing is everything. People will say there are a million fish in the sea, question is–Do you have the time and patience? You’ll find someone who you click with but they’re not ready or they are already with someone. Perfect. And it’s always just your luck that at one time you were a shitty person to the people who would try to make it work and hang on to you, but you would just ruin their life emotionally; or you just didn’t know what you wanted so you led them on. Then the next thing you know you’ve changed for the best and it just doesn’t even matter because no one wants you, or you just can’t find what you’re looking for. Like it’s the first time you try to be honest and up front and you just get kicked in the stomach.

It’s all about timing. Or karma can in fact be a true bitch.

-r