takingabreakVSneveragain

I did it. I told him. I feel awful.

How long can taking a break last, and how much damage does it cause along with time? Can it ever be the same again?

I finally told my boyfriend we had to take a break.  Reasons were: we’ve been doing long distance for over a year now and clearly, I am staying NY, he is in NH. I would feel guilty if he just quit his job and moved down here for me. Besides, I just got a new apt. I wouldnt be able to move in with him if I wanted. I’ve been having a rough couple of months and I occasionally take it out on him. When I’m feeling bad and he can’t be there for me; I think I resent that even though it’s not his fault. I’m trying to move into my new place, trying to find a job, etc.

Another minor reason was I have been hanging out with a guy a lot lately. I mean, it’s really only once a week, but we communicate through email and text, or talking on the phone everyday for the most part. And yes, it’s a bit of a crush for me, but it’s been completely innocent. We just enjoy each other’s company. There’s been no funny business and I plan to keep it that way. I couldn’t be with anyone for a long time, especially after The Break– if in fact we never get back together. So I feel guilty, or perhaps I was made to feel guilty. Some one said, “sure youre not cheating physically, but mentally it is” I’ve been honest though, I mean I havnt lied, maybe withholding information.

I don’t know. I can’t even finish this thought I’m so confused.

-r 

17hr.flightsmakeyouthink

Being in a different country for a month can be splendid depending on what situation you were leaving back home. I was of course leaving at the very worst possible time.

I had just been layed off a week before my departure, had a move out date that was coming up fast, and no access from where I was to deal with it. So I was pretty uptight and depressed the majority of the time. Where was I for a month? Bangkok, Thailand.

Let’s just touch upon how much I missed America comparing to Thailand. No hot running water (unless you went to a hotel), ants could visit you at night and say hello–as well as lizards, pollution was so bad that police, toll workers, and regular pedestrians would wear masks over their mouth and nose.  I missed our yellow taxis, all they had over there were bright pinks, oranges, greens and blues. Food! English language. Dryers. Friends & boyfriend. I felt weird living in a country that had a king and queen. I felt so 1500’s. I certainly didn’t miss malls. They had an abundace. 1 baht = 3 cents. You can get a meal for 25b, not bad.

Other than that, it was a great place. Tourist areas were exactly the reason why they were tourist areas. Beautiful. I can definately say that I would never want to live there. Even with family living there, I dont think I could do it, but maybe thats just me knowing I can’t speak Thai with a side of naive.

Glad to be back.

r 

cheatingORresearch.prt1

If you have a long-term relationship states away, and something crosses your path; do you follow it or ignore what may be the next best thing?

People say that long distant relationships rarely ever work. Well, how do you figure out if you’re part of that percentage or if you’ve gotten lucky. Some will say, “go on a break, see whats out there” “if it was meant to be, you both will be brought back together” ”just go behind their back”..

People can change your life in an instant. You are happy, and in love with someone, and then your head gets turned upside down. This person can make you doubt everything you once believed. Make you wish you were  s i n g l e . Make you laugh. Give the attention you need. Take your cares away. This feeling of newness, and guessing leaves you painted guilty. They consume your thoughts where yours truly should be. They cause you to find all the bad things about your love back home. You become overwhelmed with giddyness when you hear from them. They make you wonder, “what if”. You will eventually think of what you’d do if anything happened. If you can’t immediately say, “nothing will happen” well, you’re fucked.

So how do you find out if this is worth ending a current relationship? Is it considered cheating if you’re just hanging out with this individual?

r