takingabreakVSneveragain
August 24, 2007
I did it. I told him. I feel awful.
How long can taking a break last, and how much damage does it cause along with time? Can it ever be the same again?
I finally told my boyfriend we had to take a break. Reasons were: we’ve been doing long distance for over a year now and clearly, I am staying NY, he is in NH. I would feel guilty if he just quit his job and moved down here for me. Besides, I just got a new apt. I wouldnt be able to move in with him if I wanted. I’ve been having a rough couple of months and I occasionally take it out on him. When I’m feeling bad and he can’t be there for me; I think I resent that even though it’s not his fault. I’m trying to move into my new place, trying to find a job, etc.
Another minor reason was I have been hanging out with a guy a lot lately. I mean, it’s really only once a week, but we communicate through email and text, or talking on the phone everyday for the most part. And yes, it’s a bit of a crush for me, but it’s been completely innocent. We just enjoy each other’s company. There’s been no funny business and I plan to keep it that way. I couldn’t be with anyone for a long time, especially after The Break– if in fact we never get back together. So I feel guilty, or perhaps I was made to feel guilty. Some one said, “sure youre not cheating physically, but mentally it is” I’ve been honest though, I mean I havnt lied, maybe withholding information.
I don’t know. I can’t even finish this thought I’m so confused.
-r
August 24, 2007 at 11:12 am
You are guilty.
Because you found yourself liking someone other than your boyfriend who you (probably, at times) made you wish will break up with you first.
Because you cannot break up with someone and tell them because you love them (you know as sure as one and one more adds up to two) but you are just not happy. And you cannot begin to count the ways why. Because everything you can think of can actually be countered with “if you say you love me, that just cant be it..”
But then again can you tell someone you love them but you have ceased to know the feeling of loving them? That you have stopped to feel that feeling of being loved.
Why does it not last?
Why can it not just~
You do n0t like the new guy. You like the feeling you feel.
Somewhere along the way, something changed.
Love is deceitful.
Yes its a minor reason, the sad bigger reason is – YOU. Oh I am pathetic. The bigger reason is you, but it is not a sad reason!
Today I think, I liked a man who is married. That when I just see his sneakers I flip inside. He is tall for a Japanese guy. Our eyes would meet and he would look away, in this way that I know if I were in high school
I would have gushed to the girls about how it is this way.
To flip inside! That crazy feeling.
And right now I feel guilty as hell. And my boyfriend seems so far away, too. And I know I love with him. I cant see his eyes.
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