WhenYou>cantPractice//whatYouPREACH

I have the crazy girlfriends who are just plain crazy. They tell me how they are loco and they can’t help it. Most of these situations are caused by boys. I, being the emotional support and non-professional adviser, tell them what they should and shouldn’t do. I try to direct them, give them reasons not to think about him or her, don’t call them, don’t this, don’t that. Get rid of those, get rid of these.

But when it comes to me? I’m just as crazy.

I just don’t act upon it as much as they do. I try to learn from their o.c.d. tendencies. But! If I had a dime for every personal conversation I’ve had in my head to talk myself out of doing something, I would have my future kid’s college fund. The times I’ve started to text whomever, and then stare at it, and then delete it. And then do it all over again. The hours spent trying to do something to take my mind off of them and it isn’t successful. Looking at past photos even though I know it will make me cry. Hours I couldn’t sleep because they wouldnt get the fuck out of my head.

Pathetic.

 

The worst part is being aware of your craziness and not being able to help it. I remember wondering to myself, ‘wtf is wrong with her? Get over him already. Just let go, it’s easy, move on.’ Now I’m the person I ridicule.

 

Then I have to wonder, Do I want him back so much because I can’t be alone or do I really love him and miss him? I think I really do love him. But if I did, I should be willing to wait and be patient. But my issue with myself is: I WANT WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT. And that’s bad. Because if I can’t get what I want, I’m a sourpuss. Especially since getting guys to want me hasn’t really been an obstacle. So now I’m wondering how much longer I cant wait for Him. Like I want to see other guys for fun to get my mind off of him, but I know deep down I couldn’t ever be with anyone for awhile till I get over him.

 

Get over him already.

 

-r