sincewhenareyouintothat

Listen to this.

The boy I was trying to make things work with, well it’s been “over” for a bit now. His birthday was the 24th this month. I know when his birthday is ok? I simply have had other things on my mind like, why doesn’t he want to be with me, and how do I stop crying over him, or I can’t sleep and end up trying to find something to distract me so I don’t think about him. So his birthday wasn’t exactly at the top of my list.

What happenes is, I call him up and say the jig is up, I am no longer trying to pressure him or anything, I dont expect anything anymore. I just want to be friends and be able to hang out like before. So lets just forget about this shit. And he agrees and says he was never mad and blahblahblah. And I am happy, for the first time and very temporarily.

He then brings up the fact that I forgot his birthday. Says ‘that’s fucked up’, that we pretty much dated for 2 years and his birthday is like our anniversary. Like I am sorry, and by sorry I mean not sorry because this is the guy who HATES BIRTHDAYS. Doesn’t celebrate them, is depressed, doesn’t like them period. Now he’s getting in my grill about me forgetting?? Said, ‘It’s doesn’t exactly help you out right now’. As in, since we’re in a tough situation relationship-wise, I didn’t score points for forgetting? Wow. I should add that to my list of things to look for in a person.

He goes, I’m not trying to be an asshole, I don’t mean to make you feel bad. Fuck that. You made an effort to get your point across. I get it. Fuck off.

Not only did I have other shit on my mind, it’s like he knows I have the Worst memory ever. Ever. He knows this. Plus, What was I suppose to do? Hey we’re at an awakward stage where you probably don’t want me but hey happy birthday heres a gift, lets go out blahblahblah. I know I could have said a simple happy birthday but shit man.

Then I ask ‘Well I can take you out this weekend?’ He goes, ‘well.. well, Im golfing Saturday with my friend and I don’t want to go out friday night, because I have to get up for golf Saturday, and I think I’m busy Saturday..’

I’m like, ok, you can’t get drinks Saturday night? and he’s like, ‘well, I mean. yea ok ok ok, yea we can.’ Like fuck that.

Kicker is, he did go out friday night. Son of a B. I mean I’ve had a full schedule this weekend anyway, I made sure of that, so it’s whatever but that’s a shitty move man.

 

-r

 

BLAHBLAHBLAHiknow

Oh woe is me. Well, not really. I’ve come to the realization that once you’ve ended a relationship, all break-ups are the same after that. They all suck–no matter what. I was trying to think back from when the last break up was, or when I felt this terrible over someone.. and its been years man.

It’s so strange that someone can wake up one day and just not want to be with you anymore. Whether they have reasons or not, it’s loco. Because then the one you now longer desire is left wondering, ‘whats wrong with me? what didn’t they like?” And they tend to criticize everything about themselves and feel bad.

 

As I did. I instantly turned up my workout and changed my eating habits. I felt fat. That ended up being the first bad feeling because he used to tease me about my little ‘love handles’.. can I just say I am about 5′3 112 lbs..? Yeah I’m sorry but theres gotta be a weight limit where guys can’t be saying shit like that/not EVER.

 

I am an itelligent woman, I know I am not fat or ugly or whatever. But you can’t help from feeling a bit bad. You just can’t. I admit, I can be cold, but shit, I have feelings man.

 

So I am trying to focus on a few things to get myself over him. Remember he doesn’t want me. At all. Also, I can meet people who are attractive and smart and fun. There isn’t just one guy who has those things. I can focus on other things now. Work, running, baking, friends,being happy by myself, everything.

I actually just moved so fresh start. New beginning.

 

L e t   g o .  

-r

sexNluv

4. Women don’t understand how men can differentiate so easily between love and sex.

One of the reasons is that during sex, women produce lots of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates a strong emotional connection. As a result, women are more emotionally integrated when it comes to sex. That’s why casual sex and hookups often backfire for lots of women. Guys produce little to no oxytocin, and can easily have sex without any sense of emotional connection. It’s sex with no emotional strings attached.

 

loco.

 

–ivillage

 

-r

my<3hurts

I am just laying here.. i can’t sleep without thinking of him. I can’t sleep without feeling the pain–knowing he doesn’t want me anymore.

no more. nomas. finito.

 

I never saw this coming. I would have never believed it if someone told me the future was this. The fucking heart ache man. I haven’t felt this in years.

I know I’m young. I know I can find someone else. But the truth is I just don’t want to. I don’t want anyone else. Even if they were amazing and such, My heart is his. But he doesn’t even want it. Not one bit.

 

It’s effecting my life. I am a sad little lady all the time. I just want him to call me, text me, email me. Something. I’m dying here. I want so much to talk to him if i can’t see him. His mouth. His voice. How he bites his nails. His dark eyes. Hearing about his day. His cooking. His red couch. His toothbrush. His smile. His lower lip. His shoe collection. His veiny arms. His bedsheets. His 5 oclock shadow.

 

My heart area literally aches.

I need distraction for the rest of my life.

 

-r

soYoucatchYour[loved1]onMatch.com

I thought I was going to pass out. I got that feeling like your worst suspicions had just been confirmed. I started shaking, my hands didn’t stop shaking for the next 8 hours–I was so beside myself. I couldn’t breathe.

I asked Him, ‘can you explain to me why you’re on match.com’

he came up with, ‘I clicked on the ad pop up when i was on aim’

‘but I went to delete it because I clicked on a popup’

 

okay, doesn’t make sense right? In addition to this–I found 2 separate messages from girls statingg that they had plans with him this weekend. One on Friday, one on Saturday. He denied he had plans with girls. Perhaps they are guys with girl names eh?

I felt so sick to my stomach all day. I gave him so many chances to just tell the truth. Either I am very crazy or he is such a good/bad liar. I am <3broken. I wish it were all a dream. I don’t trust him. Even if I was wrong about this, I still don’t feel right about it.  I was trying my best to make an effort in this relationship. Apparently, I lack something that causes him to go find it elsewhere.

 

I don’t want to date again..

 

‘If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.

Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can’t get it to speak
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I’m standing on the edge

and I don’t know what else to give’

 

-r

 

&Iwasdoingsowell..

 

Been sick free for about atleast a year.

 

I have the stuffy/drippy nose, sneezing all the time. damnit. In June no less.

 

-r

ode//tocoldshoulder

Oh, cold shoulder. I am not the girl you fuck and then go to bed that same night with your back turned to me and no goodnight.

Especially when I am the girl that you claim you love. When I was the one that would have to gasp for air because you’d hold me so close and tight.

Now I feel winter in June.

Fuck that. I don’t want to sound sensitive. I don’t want to sound needy. But there are “rules”, expectations, common courtesy..

 

Get it together already. I can’t keep this up much longer.

 

-r