eeeeeeeeeeek//

OH man.

So I had plans last night. A friend’s birthday party in Queens, and a guy who wanted to get drinks in LES..

But what did I do? I went to my ex’s instead. He invited me and I couldn’t resist. Like I don’t know if he’s using me or is taking advantage of the fact that we’re doing the “casual sex” thing, but shit, it feels good to go over. He even said we could just hang out because he enjoys my company, so there was less pressure I suppose.

He was wonderful. Wanted to give me kisses, cuddle and play. And if felt– amazing to get that after so long. Who knows what his intentions were. He said he’s missed hanging out with me and yaddayadda. Perhaps he’s feeding me lines that he knows I want to hear. Either way, it feels good right now. I’ve felt so down, and I don’t think it can hurt to feel good even if it won’t be forever. We’re not exclusive, so it’s like I know we’re not together but the attention he gave me was just what I needed..

Then we got hooters wings and ate them at home.. My first time ever eating those. Unfortunately the walk home was about 10-15 minutes so when we arrived back at his place they were not crispy. I suppose we could have pooped them in the oven,  but eh. 

And then I stayed over. It was late and my commute home is about an hour+/he asked me if I wanted to.. He even cuddled with me in bed which hadn’t been happening before when we had issues.. so it was fucking awesome.

I am just trying to make sure I keep within boundaries and don’t act like a gf. Just visiting.

 

-r

mansion

Anyone been to NY’s Mansion club?

So my ex is going there because he got a hook up through his buddy.. I hate how I feel jealous. There are just going to be servers in french maid outfits and everyone dressed slutty.. I hear it’s rediculous there. Over the top.

He then invited me saying I could meet them there if I wanted. Please, I have work tomorrow. Besides I dont own anything clubby to wear there. damn.

 

-r

bedVSoverstuffedchair

I came home last night around 4 am to find one of my roommates asleep in one of the chairs in the living room. Okay I said, he fell asleep watching a movie?

I go to brush my teeth and whatnot and come back, and hes switched chairs..

For fucks sake, at least sleep on the couch if you are being rebellious towards your bed.

Ha. It’s just funny that he enjoys sleeping upright. weirdo. ; )

 

-r

goodfeelings

I have a list of awesome feelings..

• peeing– after having been waiting for sooo long
• sex– in many ways
• water– shower or swimming
• butterflies
• sleep
• consuming– favorite foods or beverages
• love
• roller coasters
• itching
• getting a good deal

thats all I could think of so far..

 

-r

fleeting\\

Relationships are funny aren’t they?

One minute you’re with someone for however long, everything just makes sense, your promises to each other, the plans you planned together, saying I love yous. Next week they’ve dimissed the experience, and are with someone else; perhaps telling them the same things. So did they really love you?

Why did we break up? What is love anyway, and is it really that fleeting?

 

-r

sexW/anX

Is it ever a good idea to have sex with an ex?

I googled this question the other night and surprisingly enough, most of the responses were, ‘yeah, it’s ok to have sex with an ex–’ But then they had this list of questions to ask yourself before you do it etcetcetc.

So I did it [notthelist].. and boy did it feel good.

Perhaps it only felt good because it had been awhile. At first it was slightly awkward given the way things had ‘ended’. But then he finally after much chitchat made the first move. Damn. It was good sex with an ex. He’s the only ex I’d do it with. I can’t wait for the next rendezvous. I just hope we don’t fuck this up.

Just need to keep my feelings/emotions out of it. Which if you have kept up with me, it’s going to be a challenge.

I will say though; I got a tad teary when he was asking me if I missed him and blahblahblah. I was like, ‘keep it together, be smooth, don’t be 100% honest. He just wants to hear that you’ve missed him and all that bullshit to feel good.’ Fuck that. I won’t give in, as much as I hate lying. I will not look pathetic or seem needy.

Be strong. Breathe.

 

-r

potential//

When I meet someone, I need to get the feeling that they have the potential– potential for friendship, love, relationship, marriage.

I know you can’t really see all of that right off the bat. But, you must have that feeling of hope and desire to find out, otherwise, what’s the point?

I think we all inevitably, have the goal to find someone whom we can spend the rest of our lives with. build that future.

Why date someone if you dont want to make progress?

 

Final summation: people tend to date just to date, knowing that it won’t last long. They do it just because this person is around now. You know what I’m saying? Insecurity/dependency.

 

 

-r

keys

I have a problem. I sometimes leave my keys in the lock and then forget them in there and close the door and there they are hanging in my door for anyone to steal.

 

This is bad.

 

-r

Ohthe//beauty

 

My day at Montreal’s beautiful market where you can get fresh crepes; savory or sweet:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I love how organized they are with placement.

 

That’s right, purple carrots.

 

 

The particular market I was at

The cross streets

 

creepymenman.

So last night work was slow. Last turn we had 18 covers. I ended up being done at 1220 am. so I went to a few bars. The last one however was Employees Only. And man did I meet some freaks.

 

I am not wearing a ‘hey freaks come talk to me’ hat am I? Seriously. I don’t get it. Perhaps I am just too picky.

 

Naaaaaahhh.

I’ve never had to go out and try and meet someone, it’s always just happened. Living in NY you would think it would be easier to meet people, maybe it is, maybe it’s not, all I know is that there are so many different kinds of people here. So many places to meet them. So many freaks.

ugh. I will never do match.com or any of that nonsense.

 

-r