ohtheTemptation

A few posts ago I wrote about the people we heart from afar–that was triggered my own experiences happening at that moment. Well my little lemon drops, mine just did it again.

Oh for the love of coffee, leave me alone por favor! He had texted me last week saying he was coming down to NY to meet a bunch of friends from Madrid or friends that had traveled with him to Madrid–whatever. I was short in my reply. Deeming uninterested. He was all like, oh I want to see you and I hope I see you and yabbadabbadoo.

Calls me last night at 3AM. I was on the other line with my love. I put him on hold. Let’s just backtrack a tad to give a back-story to me and putting people on hold for this guy..

One night it was probably 1 or 2AM, I was on the phone with my current love, at the time I was not interested in having any relationship other than friends and had no attraction. He was suppose to come over after work. The guy from afar calls and I put Love on hold–for a long time. Because the guy from afar didn’t call me often to just chat! I had to hold on to it. and I didn’t care that love was on the other line. Then I realized he was calling me while on the phone with guy from afar! Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. He must have called me 16x. So I put gfa [guy from afar] on hold and Love told me he wasn’t able to come over after all, he had just received a text from his brother that there was a family emergency and to go to LIsland. Perfect. I got back on the phone with gfa. end of that story.

..So I put love on hold and talked to gfa for 5 minutes. I cut it short for I was annoyed with him. Calling me to tell me information I already knew. Gimmie a break. And the fact he was coming down to see other friends but ditched our plans a few months back when he was suppose to come down to see me and the city? What the fuck was that none-sense. I was furious. I was in that same position I had always been in with him. Always putting me 2nd, 3rd, 4th, while he would confess his blahblahblah to me. UGH. The nerve. The game.

Secretly I am so pumped. I cannot wait to see him. I just hope nothing happens other then great fun without sexual-ness. Becausssee the last time we spoke on hot terms he was dropping hints like how he would love to be with me and how what if something goes on between us and how he would want that to happen and texting me to run away with him and  a l l   t h a t    b u l  l s h i t e .

Anyhow. I am exhausted from this subject. I shall update you on the visit.

ps. I finally got the G1. though I have some lovely rant saved up for that one..

  

-r

yaddayadda..yadda

I might like him. a little. a tad. a smidgen. grr.

but I think it’s for the wrong reasons.

The obvious wrong reasons.

I’ve been single for so long, I crave attention right now, it feels good to have someone who wants to be with you, do anything for you, listen to you, say how wonderful you are, make plans together, cook together, hold hands, get picked up in a BMW doesn’t hurt, or the fact that he has deep pockets, and gives me what I need sexually. Fuck. I am doomed.

I even find myself missing him sometimes. And my other fear is that a] I could fall in love because I have the tendency to do so more so with personality vs. looks. Looks I can overcome for the most part if personality is beyond stellar; b] I will find someone who Really gives me the ‘butterflies, omg I am so nervous for the first 2 months, checking my text messages every 3 seconds and his facebook every 7 seconds’, and then I will have to break the other fellow’s heart to follow mine, because this is someone who I get to chase and want from the beginning.

Did that make any sense?

Terrible. I am a bad lady.

ps. we’re spending xmas together.

 

-r

iloveyous&carcrashes

and so it all spilled out one night at work.

I was working service and he was off, we were texting each other about our day and such. Somehow it came up of how he was falling for me. How I couldn’t stop him from falling in love with me. Ohhhh lordy.

I insisted, no. It could never happen. I had rules and boundaries and insecurities and just NO. He didn’t seem to get it. I was freaking out. He then said he was meeting me after work to talk. I didn’t want to.

He showed up. I refused to get into his car. Finally did. He was very serious. Too serious–for my liking anyway. He was in love with me. He wouldn’t stop saying it. Every time he said the L word, I would cry. I don’t know why exactly. It was honestly, right out of a sitcom. He said all the sweet things. How he would never hurt me and said I was amazing and smart and talented and no one should have done me wrong and he would be different.  y a d d a y a d d a y a d d a

I got out of his car finally when he got me home. He begged me not to. I got out, he left the car on with the hazards blinking..

He kept blocking me from entering my apt. I was pushing and crying and couldn’t win. He would hold me by the shoulders and talk to me, telling me he loves me and couldn’t lose me. I was a bit scared. He wouldn’t let go.

He couldn’t lose me. Couldn’t live without me. ME. Little ol’ me. I had such an impact apparently. It seems I do with all the guys I’ve dated. [I wasn't even dating this guy] When people move too fast on me and do the mushy gushy I love yous, I detach. I peace out. I’m gone. I can’t get close so fast. Fuck no.

What did he end up doing when I finally got into my apt? Seems he drove his BMW so fast and wasn’t paying attention because he was crying and so distraught he crashed into another person and their car. Cars were towed and he started walking around the city, bought 3 6-packs of beer [this guy Doesn't drink.period] drank about 8 of them, drunk texting me, I am worried as can be; gets into a huge fight with his roommate, gets 0 sleep and goes into work devastated.

oy.

to be continued..

 

-r

.the.background2.the.Cr@ve//part1

I am still in absolute shock. Absolute fucking shock.
I have this friend at work, worked with him for about a year and never really had a conversation. Then one day I decide to go up to him and ask him what his goals are in life, being that no one at work knows anything about him. What does he plan to do after working here, where did he grow up, why this, and why that..

We end up forming a friendship. We found that we share one goal, and that’s to travel the world. We both don’t have anyone to travel with us, so we have then created that bond.

We hang out, play Super Mario, try new restaurants, walk around the city looking for new bakeries, cooking at my apartment. It’s good. I enjoy his company. I usually am friends with guys more so than girls.. so this is natural to me.

I fucked up one time because I let him stay in my bed, which led to some intense crave for each others affection. I personally got over it for the most part. I haven’t been this single  e v e r r r r r r , so I was feeling a bit lonely and he was the filler. Mind you, I was very up front about how I didn’t want a relationship and this was just play time.. and I figured that most guys would have appreciated that. Right or wrong? He replied, “I understand, that’s fine.”

It’s only been a month give or take that our friendship has taken form..

So what hit me last night turned my life upside down– went fucking right out of the ballpark.. and maybe into outer-space…..
more to continue.

-r

thesituationWmr.ronburgandy

Ron Burgundy+I..

ok, well a few weeks ago we went out for drinks after work and we were having a good time as usual, chat chitting and whatnot. we are discussing our upcoming weekend where we had plans to cook dinner and go out afterwards. We were excited because we haven’t done that since our friendship started.

I say to him, ‘hey, since I live in Brooklyn and were cooking at my place– are we going out in Brooklyn, because if so, you can crash at my place for the night. I have a pull out couch with sheets and everything.’

he replies, ‘yeah that’s what I figured we’d do. uhh I’m not sleeping on the couch I’ll tell you that right now.’

wtf. I’m like, yeah you are, and hes like no I’m not. and this went back and fourth for a bit. i was dead fucking serious too. I was like no Ron- this is out of line, inappropriate, and ridiculous. and I finally said. fine you can sleep in my bed, ILL sleep on the couch.

it’s like, guy– get a clue. I was so pissed at him for that. he’s such a great guy too. I was to be quite honest, let down and disappointed he had put me in that situation.

more to follow this event.

-r

curfews??

I have at least 2 gal pals who have significant others. One has a fiance, the other just a boyfriend. The gentlemen have given these girls curfews.

What the shit is wrong with this picture?

My engaged friend says she gives him a curfew as well. I mean, if both people have the same intent and understanding of whatever it is they are doing then, hey fine. I mean he has to tell her where he’s going and who he’s going to be with–so on and so fourth. If he doesn’t, that’s the end of the relationship.

I suppose I can accept that last sentence, just because if you  guys have plans to spend the rest of your lives together, trust is a big issue. He shouldn’t have anything to hide, albeit–should have no problem giving such information away without being asked to do so.

 

The other girl on the other hand– holy fuck. Her cellphone had died and so she used my friend’s cell to touch base with the boytoy. She’s 19–turning 20 in a couple months. He’s 22. He then proceeded to call her about 5 minutes after she called him. Then she called him again. Then he called her 5 frickin times when she went to use the restroom.  W h a t   t  h e   f u c k   i s   s o   u r g e n t ?  I was about to flip. She called him back. Then he called her again. She told us she had to go home.  Ok? fine. He calls again! She’s like ‘yes I’m leaving, yes I am!’ Like are you kidding me? He called for her 5 more times after she had left. Over and over and over and over and over again. psycho.

It made me upset.

 

-r

mintinglecondoms

So I am not really sure why anyone would use mint flavored condoms/lube. It’s not the best feeling in the world. The tingle part is rather uncomfortable. Almost a burning sensation. I suppose it can different for everyone, but shit man.

 

Also, flavored lubes. Ew, with a side of eww. Who wants to lick or suck flavored lube?? Grosss. Gahd. Its like eating petroleum jelly, but worse.

Same thing with condoms. Why is the condom flavored? so you can suck him off with it on? or so that its flavored when its off. Either way that seems terrible. The smell of condoms it awful, and the lube it leaves its uninviting. –Unless youre some slut who likes that shit, or drunk.

You know what it reminds me of.. the residue white strips leave on your teeth.

 

That was joke.  Sluts arent the only ones who like that stuff. Its interesting to know that there  are a lot of people who get down and dirty and you would never know it. All I know is I don’t dig cum as a cocktail. Will i take one for the team? sure, sometimes. Say if we’re in the car. But I dont get why guys think its amazing when a girl does that shit. Haha. you kiss her and she ends up burping cum breath. ugh.

 

-r

BLAHBLAHBLAHiknow

Oh woe is me. Well, not really. I’ve come to the realization that once you’ve ended a relationship, all break-ups are the same after that. They all suck–no matter what. I was trying to think back from when the last break up was, or when I felt this terrible over someone.. and its been years man.

It’s so strange that someone can wake up one day and just not want to be with you anymore. Whether they have reasons or not, it’s loco. Because then the one you now longer desire is left wondering, ‘whats wrong with me? what didn’t they like?” And they tend to criticize everything about themselves and feel bad.

 

As I did. I instantly turned up my workout and changed my eating habits. I felt fat. That ended up being the first bad feeling because he used to tease me about my little ‘love handles’.. can I just say I am about 5′3 112 lbs..? Yeah I’m sorry but theres gotta be a weight limit where guys can’t be saying shit like that/not EVER.

 

I am an itelligent woman, I know I am not fat or ugly or whatever. But you can’t help from feeling a bit bad. You just can’t. I admit, I can be cold, but shit, I have feelings man.

 

So I am trying to focus on a few things to get myself over him. Remember he doesn’t want me. At all. Also, I can meet people who are attractive and smart and fun. There isn’t just one guy who has those things. I can focus on other things now. Work, running, baking, friends,being happy by myself, everything.

I actually just moved so fresh start. New beginning.

 

L e t   g o .  

-r

sexNluv

4. Women don’t understand how men can differentiate so easily between love and sex.

One of the reasons is that during sex, women produce lots of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates a strong emotional connection. As a result, women are more emotionally integrated when it comes to sex. That’s why casual sex and hookups often backfire for lots of women. Guys produce little to no oxytocin, and can easily have sex without any sense of emotional connection. It’s sex with no emotional strings attached.

 

loco.

 

–ivillage

 

-r

soYoucatchYour[loved1]onMatch.com

I thought I was going to pass out. I got that feeling like your worst suspicions had just been confirmed. I started shaking, my hands didn’t stop shaking for the next 8 hours–I was so beside myself. I couldn’t breathe.

I asked Him, ‘can you explain to me why you’re on match.com’

he came up with, ‘I clicked on the ad pop up when i was on aim’

‘but I went to delete it because I clicked on a popup’

 

okay, doesn’t make sense right? In addition to this–I found 2 separate messages from girls statingg that they had plans with him this weekend. One on Friday, one on Saturday. He denied he had plans with girls. Perhaps they are guys with girl names eh?

I felt so sick to my stomach all day. I gave him so many chances to just tell the truth. Either I am very crazy or he is such a good/bad liar. I am <3broken. I wish it were all a dream. I don’t trust him. Even if I was wrong about this, I still don’t feel right about it.  I was trying my best to make an effort in this relationship. Apparently, I lack something that causes him to go find it elsewhere.

 

I don’t want to date again..

 

‘If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.

Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can’t get it to speak
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I’m standing on the edge

and I don’t know what else to give’

 

-r