muchoNews

The new girl at work blows. not only is she super slow and its been over a month already, but shes also a bit numb. She told a couple coworkers, that warm water in a warm plastic bottle can give you cancer, I feel that’s a bit exaggerated. When someone told her to label something, she turned to them and said, can you show me how? Christ! She went to culinary school, that’s one of the main things you learn and do every day! She didn’t know what a lowboy was. Like, talk about green. Sure this is her first restaurant job, mine too, but I didn’t have anyone to hold my hand. My department doesn’t have 2 people working nights and she does, so shes “lucky”. And no gives her hell, they just pick up the slack and do mas trabajo then they should be. Drives me bananas.She may never make it in the restaurant world, only thing on her side is her mediocre looks.. I could go on about how terrible she is But I shan’t. Other than that, shes a lovely girl.

Other rant would be that I hate when people stroll into work in jeans. You forgot your chef pants?? UHHH, go back home or buy a new pair. Like, this is not Chile’s, or fucking Taco Bell– actuallllly, I bet Taco Bell or BK have strict rules about attire, and not only that–they match! You are working in a 3 star restaurant, for an IRON chef and you are wearing  jeans??? WHO ARE YOU? Unacceptable.

I really need the G1, but it’s still, what? a gillion pennies? or $350ish? $170 if you get a plan with it. Ridiculous.

The boy and I. Well–I like him a ton, still not sure if it’s for the right reasons, but he is amazing. All the little things he remembers and does for me to make me feel better and to show he loves me. out of this world. I have never had this before. What I need now is a wall that’s not made by an amateur so that when we shack up I don’t disturb my roommates, oy. I know I have too. How embarrassing.

I’m sure there is mas, but time is not on my side kids. Until then..

 

-r

EVOLve

EVOLve

do it. such clarity.

 

-r

seeingYourex’s[fat&ugly]gf/bf

I don’t find the relief in seeing an ex with someone who is fat and/or ugly. I can understand if they leave me for someone hot. Anyone could.

What I can’t understand is if they leave me for someone worse. Yes, they have lowered their standards perhaps… [not to sound full of myself or to judge other's tastes, but you know we all think this way, its only natural.] But it’s just like, hi, you left me for her?/him and then I would begin to wonder what in the whole wide world did they have that I didn’t. I was lovely and you had me.

Boggles my mind.

It’s like being given a bmw, but you trade it in for a taurus. no offense to taurus drivers. Like come on. And it’s even worse to me, if they go to that level and then come back for you, its like no way José. But we can’t help it sometimes when they do come back to us from the fugly, you feel as if you’ve won.  

 

B u t   y o u   h a v e n ‘ t .

 

-r

RUNrunRUN

YO, can I just say it’s my weekend and I haven’t slept in once yet. Yesterday I had to go to the doc’s , and today I am getting up at 8am to go running with my chef.

 

What the shit man. So dead tired. Tired I say, tired.

 

So yesterday was fun though. I hate when doctors are doing something awkward to you, and they feel like they have to talk to you about other shit to get your mind off of whatever awkward thing theyre doing, like checking your breasts for cancer. Like what is your favorite dessert? Whats your favorite thing to make, You like chocolate? It’s like, SHUT UP, I DONT KNOW, I DONT EVEN KNOW. Just do your thing and tell me wtf is wrong with me. Stop trying to make me feel “comfortable”. I’m just saying.

 

Then I hung out with the boy that gave me the “ultimatum*” for like 12 hours, pretty much lose track of time with the guy hence why i am so tired because I didn’t get to sleep till 2ish. He couldn’t really move because of his kidneys and stuff, so since he was out of work and it was my day off, not a bad day to ditch everyone else for this guy eh? which is exactly what I did. I’m a slight douche I knowwww.

 

I think I took 3 cabs yesterday. How fucking lazy is that. Wow. Terrible.

 

Okay, I cant be late for running yo.

 

-r

 

*see past entry relating to ultimatum to understand

valleyGirl

Frank Zappa’s Valley Girl is rediculous. I suggest it to anyone who knows one.. good laugh

 

-r

noBra_w/thatBlouse

I don’t think it’s offensive for a woman to wear a shirt without a bra, given her breasts are like A-B cup. But I feel that woman with larger assets, need the freakin’ support man.

I say for the young women who buy the padded or padded+push-ups need to embrace their size. You can still be sexy, flaunt it anyway. You can go without a bra and I bet guys will think that’s hot, if not hotter than having your sisters pushed together.

That’s all I had to say.

 

-r

ohh/chef..

So I have been rather frustrated with the fact that I wanted to come in on one of my days off to help out in kitchen where I work, but on the savory side. I’ve always been a terrible cook, and I only took the pastry course. I was willing to work for free too. But I told my pastry chef and she said she wouldn’t allow it. Her explanation consisted of me needing balance in my life, how I already spend atleast 60hours there, and that I should enjoy my time off, and do non-cooking things.

But I want to learn, hands on. Sure I can read, but I am more of the type that needs to actually do it to retain it and understand. So then I had to tell my other chef that I couldnt come in, and so that chef flipped out, because it seemed strange and unfair to deny someone of learning. It’s like, hey, free help man. wtf.

I even had another chef I know tell me that my chef may be telling me no because she has other plans for me. That I could be be ruining my chances at a raise (which is already overdue) or promotion in the future. That my chef may feel like I have betrayed her. That she may feel like, oh no, what if she leaves pastry for savory. I’m a pretty loyal person, I just like to learn all that I can when the opprotunity and chances are available, especially since I know everyone already and the kitchen layout and they like me, and it’s not like I have to pay to go to school and learn this stuff. I have the chance to learn it right there where I work, with people who are willing to take the time and teach me. This other chef even told me that it’s people like me, that try and learn everything and they end up losing focus and thats why they dont move up and become leaders–this was mostly directed towards women. Okay, with that being said, I guess I should stop cooking dinner at home, because it’s savory, and I could be losing focus. I say fuck that bullshit. Fuck it. Such horse shit.

 

Anyhoo. I won’t disrespect my chef, but I will say it was a surprise to me that it wasnt a universal response..

 

-r

tugO/war

I feel as though I could potentially be schizophrenic.

Why I feel this way? Well, I am constantly playing tug-o-war in my head. I am always going from a black & white thought process to a shades of gray thought process. When I think of something, I am thinking in more than one way. Could this be a good thing? It feels confusing. I always have more than one answer, explanation, reasoning behind everything. Why can’t I just stick to one idea.

 /One side.\

How does one manage through life with so many thoughts. How can one make that next move. [I never used to be indecisive.]

I just feel like I have more than one personality with all of my different thoughts going against each other in my head. Weird, I know. I don’t think any of this even makes sense. Ha.

I could never be on a debate team. I would back my people up, but then I wouldn’t be able to help myself as to understanding why the other team believe in their opinion. How can I be so 2-sided? ew. Make it stop.

This trend I lead is especially difficult when it comes to relationships and how I feel. I’m sure you know where I’m going with that…

What I do believe in:

“We’d never know what’s wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same”

//theFray.allatOnce

-r

talkabout//timing

I believe in the phrase; “You snooze, you lose”.

Though it seems that even when we don’t snooze, we still lose. We can try, try, and try again–and can continuously lose.

A fine example would be in pursuing a certain someone.  The Apple of your eye. 

Everyone has that one person they really liked, and got butterflies from. They seemed perfect. You talk on the phone for hours, causing you to get 4 hours of sleep for work the next day. You guys hang out, have fun, yaddayaddayadda. You tell the person straight up, “I like you“.

What’s their response? “Im not ready“.

So they were honest. Great. You stick with them anyway in hopes that they will be ready at some point. You end up giving them more space at this time, because you don’t want to pressure them, or make them feel uncomfortable. Then what happens?

Ha, you call them up for drinks, to get together and catch up and such. They reply with, “Well, I’d like to, but I’d have to ask ’so-and-so’ if its ok. I really like them and don’t want to screw it up.”

[Whaaaaaaaaaaaat????]

So you’re sitting there wondering when in hell did he get ready and not tell You. Instead they found someone else to be ready for. Rediculous. Personally, when someone tells another that they like them, and they get an answer that states that they’re not ready, I get the feeling that you may like them as well, but you’re not ready. I didn’t hear you say that you don’t like me, I just heard You’re not ready; which would imply–the obvious.

Or perhaps the not so obvious.

I guess I also believe in “Everything happens for a reason.” As shitty as a situation can be, there must be some good coming out of it. right?

-r

poetic//2

he had the power

to make my lip quiver,

he helped me dream good dreams.

 

 

and when i’d see him

i couldn’t breathe,

my breath was locked within.

 

 

he’d make me stumble

make me stutter,

and feel so foolishly

 

 

in love.

-r