LiT::myFavoritePart

C: im stuck.
does it get easier?

B: no, yes — it gets easier.

C: oh ya? look at you.

B: the more you know who you are and what you want — the less you let things upset you.

C: yea..
i just dont know what im suppose to be.
i tried being a writer but i hate what i write;
i tried taking pictures, but they’re so mediocre.
you know every girl goes through a photography phase, ya know like horses.
you take pictures of your feet.

B: youll figure that out.
im not worried about you.
keep writing.

 

chapter16|lostintranslation

 

-r

EVOLve

EVOLve

do it. such clarity.

 

-r

ps.

yaay to me!

 

One year with WordPress. <3

 

-r

updizz8te

howdy.

So, my current problem that has been present for the past few months; bad dreams.

Consistently dreaming bad dreams of the same shit. Dreaming I am getting into car crashes, falling, running from something, being scared, people breaking into my home, and last night, I dreamt of something burning. I forget what. I also have been dreaming of my mom lately, and they aren’t pleasant. So mega sad.

 

I dont know what it all means. I can’t figure out how to make them stop. I havn’t slept well in  s o   l o n g .

-r

tugO/war

I feel as though I could potentially be schizophrenic.

Why I feel this way? Well, I am constantly playing tug-o-war in my head. I am always going from a black & white thought process to a shades of gray thought process. When I think of something, I am thinking in more than one way. Could this be a good thing? It feels confusing. I always have more than one answer, explanation, reasoning behind everything. Why can’t I just stick to one idea.

 /One side.\

How does one manage through life with so many thoughts. How can one make that next move. [I never used to be indecisive.]

I just feel like I have more than one personality with all of my different thoughts going against each other in my head. Weird, I know. I don’t think any of this even makes sense. Ha.

I could never be on a debate team. I would back my people up, but then I wouldn’t be able to help myself as to understanding why the other team believe in their opinion. How can I be so 2-sided? ew. Make it stop.

This trend I lead is especially difficult when it comes to relationships and how I feel. I’m sure you know where I’m going with that…

What I do believe in:

“We’d never know what’s wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same”

//theFray.allatOnce

-r

talkabout//timing

I believe in the phrase; “You snooze, you lose”.

Though it seems that even when we don’t snooze, we still lose. We can try, try, and try again–and can continuously lose.

A fine example would be in pursuing a certain someone.  The Apple of your eye. 

Everyone has that one person they really liked, and got butterflies from. They seemed perfect. You talk on the phone for hours, causing you to get 4 hours of sleep for work the next day. You guys hang out, have fun, yaddayaddayadda. You tell the person straight up, “I like you“.

What’s their response? “Im not ready“.

So they were honest. Great. You stick with them anyway in hopes that they will be ready at some point. You end up giving them more space at this time, because you don’t want to pressure them, or make them feel uncomfortable. Then what happens?

Ha, you call them up for drinks, to get together and catch up and such. They reply with, “Well, I’d like to, but I’d have to ask ‘so-and-so’ if its ok. I really like them and don’t want to screw it up.”

[Whaaaaaaaaaaaat????]

So you’re sitting there wondering when in hell did he get ready and not tell You. Instead they found someone else to be ready for. Rediculous. Personally, when someone tells another that they like them, and they get an answer that states that they’re not ready, I get the feeling that you may like them as well, but you’re not ready. I didn’t hear you say that you don’t like me, I just heard You’re not ready; which would imply–the obvious.

Or perhaps the not so obvious.

I guess I also believe in “Everything happens for a reason.” As shitty as a situation can be, there must be some good coming out of it. right?

-r

poetic//2

he had the power

to make my lip quiver,

he helped me dream good dreams.

 

 

and when i’d see him

i couldn’t breathe,

my breath was locked within.

 

 

he’d make me stumble

make me stutter,

and feel so foolishly

 

 

in love.

-r

poetic//1

 

this heart of mine is closed

come back when it opens

when that will be

no one knows

 

-r

 

silkroadpalace_Part/duo

A short story of friends, food, drinking and more.

Ok so in yesterdays asterisk* the situation had occurred to my best friend, and as it turns out, one of the girls that accompanied us out was the girlfriend of that dude. Yea, so can I just say in my opinion-that’s a shady thing to do, push a girl into the wall and yet the girlfriend is still with you?? Hi, red flag. If he’s got balls to push your friend, what makes you think he won’t push you/etc.??? Ok moving on.

So we get to this Chinese restaurant, Silk Road Palace. There is quite the wait, I am assuming it is very popular for the fact that they give out free white wine. [Boxed white wine at that-Diamond Lake for all you boxed wine lovers] We wait in the cold for a bit, finally we try to fit into the restaurant with the rest of the 30 people waiting. As you wait, people are trying to get through either to leave, get in to put their name on the list, or it’s the delivery guy. It was a very squished/claustrophobic area. At one point I had this big dude just giving me a lap dance of some sort, very uncomfortable experience let me just say. People at the bar would try and pass glasses of white to us, so I guess that was cool. But then I tasted this wine, and wow, not cool. No way Jose.

We finally sit down-order, get 2 bottles of wine, begin. Now, I hadn’t eaten much that day so I was starving, I also don’t drink often, if ever.. so tolerance was at an all time low + I am no big girl unfortunately, so I can’t keep up with these college gals who make it part of their studies to drink professionally.

The service was great, they would see your carafe ½ full and re-fill it to the top asap.. so you can imagine how much wine we were getting/ how fucked we were going to get..

To be continued..
-r

silkroadpalace_Part/uno

A short story of friends, food, drinking and more.

I live in the city, and I have this best friend that I’ve known since 7th grade. She lives about 1 ½ hours out of the city and into the Bronx. Sadly I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like to, even though we live so close. I’m definitely lucky to live in the same state as my best friend, since we all know that in most cases when people move from home, friends just don’t go follow them. But for us we just ended up finding each other.

So Friday night we make plans to go out with 2 of her friends from college, they were going to come into the city. [yaay!] So we were to meet at 6:30, she ran late, then I had transportation delays, and we couldn’t reach each other on our cells, so it was all very frustrating. Finally we meet at Times Square, and it’s 8:00. She wasn’t in the best mood for a moment, plus someone had just thrown a penny at her! [wtf?]

We go back into the subway to go uptown, destination: 81st and Amsterdam.

*little side note//what would you do in this situation..

Say one night you’re crying for whatever reason, so your friend comes to console you. Your boyfriend isn’t really helping, so your friend tells him to just go back to his room and let you handle it.

Ok, say he gets angry, and perhaps he was angry beforehand but he’s mad because you’re telling him to let you handle it and so he pushes you into a wall.

So should I dump the guy because he pushed my friend, and that’s a red flag that he’ll push me/etc.?

Or let it slide?

p.s. We’ve only been dating for 5 days, and she’s been my friend for 3 years.

To be continued…

–r